Reasons Why Churches Lose Members

1. Poor leadership

When families leave the church, even though I am not the pastor I make it a point to contact them.  Even if it only satisfies their need to still feel love from someone in the church.

I’ve asked them to share their honest feelings.  The most frequent answer is “We just don’t like the way things are running.” What church does not have problems?  But it seems problems grow like a fast-growing bacteria. 

·        Financial discrepancies worried the church members.

·        Morale problems infected the church members.

·        A lack of vision created an internal sickness within the congregation.

·        Members began to place blame for the troubles.

·        The leadership team has disregard for the morale.  Some have even been told, "If you don’t like the way I do things, maybe this is not the place for you.”

2. Different Style

I have watched people exit our church, but I have also seen them visit our church. When one couple visited our church, they confessed, “We just wanted something different.” Translated, that means they wished for a different style.

When church members leave your church, they might travel to another church because they yearn for another style of ministry. They desire a different style of preaching or worship. Consequently, their expectations of a church cause them to seek another one.  It’s time to take a closer look at your own church.

 

3.  Disillusionment

William D. Hendricks talks about a “dark side” to the church. He details numerous stories about people leaving their churches in his book, Exit Interviews. He writes, “Despite glowing reports of surging church attendance, more and more Christians in North America are feeling disillusioned with the church and other formal, institutional expressions of Christianity." (Chicago: Moody Press, 1993, p. 17)

These people remove themselves from the church out of frustration with structure or bureaucracy. I once heard of a man who left a church because it did not give enough to benevolence. He wanted the church to take its end-of-the month reserves and give to the poor. His frustration incited his exit. Disillusionment might cause people to avoid the church for the rest of their lives.  These problems need not to be overlooked.  Each should be addressed.  Please don't let this be on your list of things you are responsible for not doing when you meet your heavenly Father. 

5. Inner Hurts

A close church member invited me to lunch one day. He dropped a load of hurt into my lap. He talked about troubles with his children. He mentioned problems at work. He shocked me when he informed me of his imminent departure from our church. “It’s in the best interest of our family,” he softly spoke. I agonized over his words.  There was no changing his mind.

Self-doubt crept into my mind. What did we do wrong? What could we do to keep this family? What could we change to keep them happy? Why did we fail with this family? These thoughts bounce the heart when church members leave your church.

One year later I received news about the family. The sad news explained the couple’s divorce. I truly believe a deep inner hurt caused this family to leave the church. Rather than seek help in the church, they fled the church. They retreated to ease the surprise of their impending breakup.  I have observed this kind of church exit. A family sometimes leaves to conceal their child’s drug problem or a teenage pregnancy.

A single leaves feeling deserted by the church. Though people try to accept the single, she never feels a part of the church.  Her inner hurt keeps her from accepting herself. Some leave to seek answers to their hurt. Still others take flight to find the acceptance they have missed.  Take another look, why didn’t the church sense and fill this need? 

6. Church Size

Another reason church members may leave your church is the size of the church. Look into your outreach programs.  Are you filling the need of the community?  Remember what is correct for a church in your county seat may not be what reaches your close community. 

 

How to Handle the Departure

The reasons I’ve mentioned for leaving a church are not exhaustive. Neither do I intend to produce simplistic answers. The hard fact of the narrow road of ministry is that people do pack their bags to journey to another church. 

1. Learn From It

When church members leave your church, ministry lessons unfold. When I contact those who make the church exit; by listening, I learn about people. I also learn about myself. Better yet, I learn more about service to God.

A seminary student called his mentor. “I’m ready to quit,” he muttered in tones of despair. “One of our best deacons is leaving the church. He says it’s because of me.” “Son,” the wise mentor replied, “I’ve lost members in every church I’ve pastored. Focus on God’s call. Listen to people and learn from them. Work hard. Love Jesus. Love people. Then remember, you can’t ring everybody’s bell all the time. Trust God and do the best you can in serving the Lord.”

When church members leave your church, learn what you can from it. This is where churches fall short; they tend just to wave it off.

2. Pray For Them

Ultimately, when church members leave your church, concern for their spiritual condition should become primary. Pray that those people can find a church that feeds them spiritually. Ask God to provide healing for their hurts. Request the Lord’s guidance as they wander down uncertain trails. Praying for them nourishes their spiritual life. It also encourages your attitude toward them, especially if they spoke painful words upon their exit.  Still reach out to them showing love not chastisement or gossip.

3. Open the Gate

Leave the gate open. This may sound strange, but when church members leave your church, let them go. Begging them to stay serves little purpose. Always leave the gate open for their return. One of my greatest joys of ministry came because of an open gate. A family left for a new, fresh road to another church. Six months later, they wished to return. “Would it be okay if we came back?” they asked through a mutual friend. “Sure,” I said. The family returned.  It is the Lord’s church, and the best way to handle those who walk to another church is to remember this.  It is not YOUR church, it is GOD’S church.  Eugene Petersen challenges pastors not to become inflated in their self-perception. God works through people. We are to strive to be HIS vessel, not our own vessel for our own gain.  The church moves forward rhythmically like a clock ticking. He writes, “Years ago I noticed, as all pastors must, that when a pastor left a neighboring congregation, the congregational life carried on very well, thank you.” (TheContemplative Pastor, Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1989)

Oh, they miss pastors who depart. But God has a way of supplying new ones.

The key is to remember, it’s the Lord’s church. Churches should focus on this truth. When they do, time heals wounds. Conflict embraces resolution. Anger gives way to joy. Emptiness surrenders to fullness. When the back door opens, God often brings twice the number in the front door. When the church is a revolving door, maybe the key to church growth is to have more coming than you do going.  

Step back and take a long look on what you are offering.  Would a “Secret worshiper” (same as secret shopper, just for churches) write a good reference for your church or even for you?  Would God’s representative, angels in disguise, be pleased when they visited?  Is God Himself pleased with the way the church people handle your church business? 

 

Take a HONEST long soul searching look at yourself and your church.  Are you pleasing God OR yourself?