A soul mate or just a mate?

The idea/definition/meaning of a soul mate is something that’s been written and romanticized about since the beginning of man. We all wade through this world looking for some sort of companionship or love. The main concept of a soul mate: a person one shares a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility.

 

Now, I do not subscribe to the traditional interpretation of a soul mate. That is to say, I don’t necessarily believe there is only one person you’re destined to be with for the rest of your life. I’ll go even further and say I believe a person can have multiple/different soul mates in their lifetime. As big as the world is I find it hard to believe that we are only truly compatible with one person. I also believe you can love more than one person throughout your life.

 

People yearning for a soul mate and searching for “the one” is not happenstance. I believe people think of the soul mates like The Gatekeeper and The Keymaster from the movie Ghostbusters. In the movie two characters are possessed by demons. These demons were sent out to find each other because they were “soul mates” and could bring the end of the world. The Keymaster (Rick Moranis) searched aimlessly throughout New York City looking for his “soul mate” the Gatekeeper (Sigourney Weaver). I think many of us have that perspective on relationships: that there is one man searching for you or one woman waiting for you because you are kindred spirits meant to be together.

 

A while ago, I was out on a date.  I asked him why his past relationship didn’t last and he explained (for a VERY long period of time) how they weren’t equally yoked and were incompatible. I asked him, “What, exactly, does that mean?” He began a long tirade, detailing monotonous nonsensical things that don’t mean anything important to a relationship at the end of the day (my words, not his).  Needless to say, we didn't date again.  He was just too wrapped up in himself.

 

Now, I am not saying we shouldn’t have things in common with our mate but I do think as a society we take that ideal too far. We watch too many movies and read too many books that build upon the pipe dream that there’s only one person for us. We think that our soul mate has all the same things in common, like watching the TV show NCIS, they’re a Georgia Bulldog fan, and they love Alabama music as much as we do. 

A soul mate is bigger than Romeo and Juliet, two star crossed lovers meant to be together against all odds. We need to let go of all these preconceived notions. The meaning of a soul mate is on metaphysical level that takes time to understand. That process begins through learning and understanding ourselves, a deeper knowledge of who we are. A soul mate should be a person whose soul has grown with yours and has become intertwined. A soul mate is one who is able to evolve with us, mind, body, and soul. This is done through hard work, choice, and spiritual consciousness. Many of us will never be able to find our soul mate because we are incomplete. How can we help complete someone’s soul when we aren’t striving to become more complete?

 

The following two quotes give a clear and precise explanation of my beliefs. The first is a post from Zo Williams, a speaker on Sirius’ Satellite Foxxhole radio. He has a weekly relationship show called “The Voice of Reason”: 

“In my opinion there has always been only one soul which is the source of all things.  It is God himself.  In the world of relationships a soul mate isn’t someone you meet, it’s someone you recognize!!!!  It’s someone you divinely know by way of intimately knowing yourself!  This is the only way to “recognize” a soul mate, by my logic if there is only one divine SOUL which everyone shares, it then stands to reason that one may have more than one soul mate by way of recognition of the one soul in all people places & things. The reason behind the belief that one only has one soul mate, or one shot at true love is linked to the extreme difficulty linked with the process (More of self-realization, or self-actualization). Most people struggle to reach a place of dynamic self-awareness, so then relationship becomes or is imagined to be solely a place of refuge where one can accumulate social images and cultural roles as a means of protecting themselves from the fear of not having a comprehensive knowledge of one’s self! A soul mate isn’t only limited to two beings…If you are aware of the soul in yourself, you then have the capacity to become aware of the one soul in all.”

 

All this to say, you can’t really find your soul mate until you yourself are complete within yourself.  There is no one perfect.  You both must be able to grow together.  Yes, I believe God has the mate or mates out there he has for your future.  But remember the adage that God puts people in your life for a reason, a season or a life-time.  You may grow apart or you may outlive a mate and God may have others in your future.

©Betty Jean Bowers