1. Poor leadership
When
families leave the church, even though I am not the pastor I make it a point to
contact them. Even if it only satisfies
their need to still feel love from someone in the church.
I’ve
asked them to share their honest feelings.
The most frequent answer is “We just don’t like the way things are running.”
What church does not have problems? But
it seems problems grow like a fast-growing bacteria.
·
Financial discrepancies worried the church
members.
·
Morale problems infected the church members.
·
A lack of vision created an internal
sickness within the congregation.
·
Members began to place blame for the
troubles.
·
The leadership team has disregard for the
morale. Some have even been told, "If
you don’t like the way I do things, maybe this is not the place for you.”
2. Different Style
I
have watched people exit our church, but I have also seen them visit our
church. When one couple visited our church, they confessed, “We just wanted
something different.” Translated, that means they wished for a different style.
When
church members leave your church, they might travel to another church because
they yearn for another style of ministry. They desire a different style of
preaching or worship. Consequently, their expectations of a church cause them
to seek another one. It’s time to take a
closer look at your own church.
3. Disillusionment
William
D. Hendricks talks about a “dark side” to the church. He details numerous
stories about people leaving their churches in his book, Exit Interviews. He
writes, “Despite glowing reports of surging church attendance, more and more
Christians in North America are feeling disillusioned with the church and other
formal, institutional expressions of Christianity." (Chicago: Moody Press,
1993, p. 17)
These
people remove themselves from the church out of frustration with structure or
bureaucracy. I once heard of a man who left a church because it did not give
enough to benevolence. He wanted the church to take its end-of-the month
reserves and give to the poor. His frustration incited his exit. Disillusionment
might cause people to avoid the church for the rest of their lives. These problems need not to be overlooked. Each should be addressed. Please don't let this be on your list of things you are responsible for not doing when you meet your heavenly Father.
5. Inner Hurts
A
close church member invited me to lunch one day. He dropped a load of hurt
into my lap. He talked about troubles with his children. He mentioned problems
at work. He shocked me when he informed me of his imminent departure from our
church. “It’s in the best interest of our family,” he softly spoke. I agonized
over his words. There was no changing his mind.
Self-doubt
crept into my mind. What did we do wrong? What could we do to keep this family?
What could we change to keep them happy? Why did we fail with this family?
These thoughts bounce the heart when church members leave your church.
One
year later I received news about the family. The sad news explained the couple’s
divorce. I truly believe a deep inner hurt caused this family to leave the
church. Rather than seek help in the church, they fled the church. They
retreated to ease the surprise of their impending breakup. I have observed this kind of church exit. A
family sometimes leaves to conceal their child’s drug problem or a teenage pregnancy.
A
single leaves feeling deserted by the church. Though people try to accept the
single, she never feels a part of the church.
Her inner hurt keeps her from accepting herself. Some leave to seek
answers to their hurt. Still others take flight to find the acceptance they have
missed. Take another look, why didn’t
the church sense and fill this need?
6. Church Size
Another
reason church members may leave your church is the size of the church. Look
into your outreach programs. Are you
filling the need of the community?
Remember what is correct for a church in your county seat may not be
what reaches your close community.
How
to Handle the Departure
The
reasons I’ve mentioned for leaving a church are not exhaustive. Neither do I
intend to produce simplistic answers. The hard fact of the narrow road of
ministry is that people do pack their bags to journey to another church.
1. Learn From It
When
church members leave your church, ministry lessons unfold. When I contact those
who make the church exit; by listening, I learn about people. I also learn
about myself. Better yet, I learn more about service to God.
A
seminary student called his mentor. “I’m ready to quit,” he muttered in tones
of despair. “One of our best deacons is leaving the church. He says it’s
because of me.” “Son,” the wise mentor replied, “I’ve lost members in every church
I’ve pastored. Focus on God’s call. Listen to people and learn from them. Work
hard. Love Jesus. Love people. Then remember, you can’t ring everybody’s bell
all the time. Trust God and do the best you can in serving the Lord.”
When
church members leave your church, learn what you can from it. This is where
churches fall short; they tend just to wave it off.
2. Pray For Them
Ultimately,
when church members leave your church, concern for their spiritual condition
should become primary. Pray that those people can find a church that feeds them
spiritually. Ask God to provide healing for their hurts. Request the Lord’s
guidance as they wander down uncertain trails. Praying for them nourishes their
spiritual life. It also encourages your attitude toward them, especially if
they spoke painful words upon their exit.
Still reach out to them showing love not chastisement or gossip.
3. Open the Gate
Leave
the gate open. This may sound strange, but when church members leave your
church, let them go. Begging them to stay serves little purpose. Always leave
the gate open for their return. One of my greatest joys of ministry came
because of an open gate. A family left for a new, fresh road to another church.
Six months later, they wished to return. “Would it be okay if we came back?”
they asked through a mutual friend. “Sure,” I said. The family returned. It is the Lord’s church, and the best way to
handle those who walk to another church is to remember this. It is not YOUR church, it is GOD’S
church. Eugene Petersen challenges
pastors not to become inflated in their self-perception. God works through people.
We are to strive to be HIS vessel, not our own vessel for our own gain. The church moves forward rhythmically like a clock ticking. He writes, “Years
ago I noticed, as all pastors must, that when a pastor left a neighboring
congregation, the congregational life carried on very well, thank you.” (TheContemplative Pastor, Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1989)
Oh,
they miss pastors who depart. But God has a way of supplying new ones.
The
key is to remember, it’s the Lord’s church. Churches should focus on this
truth. When they do, time heals wounds. Conflict embraces resolution. Anger
gives way to joy. Emptiness surrenders to fullness. When the back door opens,
God often brings twice the number in the front door. When the church is a
revolving door, maybe the key to church growth is to have more coming than you
do going.
Step
back and take a long look on what you are offering. Would a “Secret worshiper” (same as secret
shopper, just for churches) write a good reference for your church or even for
you? Would God’s representative, angels
in disguise, be pleased when they visited?
Is God Himself pleased with the way the church people handle your church
business?
Take a HONEST long soul searching look
at yourself and your church. Are you
pleasing God OR yourself?